I Ching

I had lost myself in conversation, but not completely.

“Have you ever read the I Ching, Pretty Boy?” Lakshmi asked me.

“Technically I’ve never read anything. But no… I get what you mean.”

“It’s divination. I’ll spare you… I’ll simply say it’s why I’m here today instead of on Sunless. Isn’t that interesting?”

“I’m sure it’s supposed to be more interesting to me than it is. I haven’t read it,” I shook my head, shrugging.

“I appreciate your honesty,” she nodded.

I remembered my job. My purpose. How could I forget? It made my stomach sick to think about most of the time.

Realizing you were only a fake person.

I can only imagine what my sister was going through. She was a fake person who was forced to be a fake person for the benefit of a fake person.

That was her actual life right now.

Faking sweet when she wanted to… her words:

Fuck me up.

And I believed her.

Even if she did a fantastic job of making me feel like family right now.

“You want some more naan bread, bro?” she asked, offering the plate of bread to me.

I looked down at it, then up at her, nodding.

My first piece, I’d just eaten mechanically. My attention entirely on Dose. I didn’t know what to think. What to say. Where the social lines were.

But I saw her eyes tick-tocking around. She actually could compartmentalize it.

The hate.

I didn’t have hate, I had anxiety. I borrowed her playbook and just played along.

This wasn’t real life. It was theater.

That made more sense in my head.

I took another piece of naan bread and slid it onto my plate, tearing off a piece.

Its surface was buttered heavily, little tiny chips of garlic all over it. A green leafy thing sprinkled all over it. I stuffed a piece of it in my mouth and connected the flavor I’d had earlier with the texture now.

Actually paying attention to it. The slightly gummy bread, firm texture in my mouth made me roll my eyes closed.

Fuck that really was good. The butter, the garlic, both of them melting together into this not quite garlic bread, not quite pita bread situation. I highly approved.

I tore off another piece, eating silently with my sister, ignoring Lakshmi’s watchful eyes as the both of us went quiet to eat.

I dipped naan in sauces I’d never had before.

My entire head was alive with new things. My amber eyes tick-tocked around the plate in front of me of bread and sauce splotches. Each one spooned onto my plate by Dose.

Like she genuinely gave a shit about me.

It was weird.

But I liked it.

I even looked up and smiled at her just as our food arrived.

Then I saw it…

“Careful,” our waiter Kabir said.

I sat back, watching him slide my food in front of me.

I couldn’t believe what I was looking at.

It was actually there. In front of me.

I looked up at Lakshmi, over at Dose.

I was actually thankful to meet the both of them. How fucked up was that?

I looked down again at the tray in front of me.

On it was a small, circular stone bowl of tonkatsu ramen. Beside that, another circular bowl of a thick, orange, creamy looking sauce with bits of chicken in it, sliced beautifully and stuffed to the bottom. It had a white creamy sauce swirled on the top of it with more of those green things I liked on the naan bread. Lastly, a steamy little bowl of basmati rice like a white peace offering among all of those aromatic spices punching me in my virgin nose.

I only ever smelled the same form factor foods. Vegetables. Plain cut of protein. Tear open packets of single serving butter. Plasticware shrink wrapped in travel meals packed by the federation.

Or whatever pick up and drop off depot I remember from a previous life.

Nothing like this.

I just stared at it. I couldn’t believe it was real.

“Go on, Darling,” Mistress Nobunaga said.

I tore my eyes away from it to look up at her. Really look at her. Not that distracted thing I did where I stared people in the forehead. Or over their shoulder.

I looked her in the eyes.

“Thank you…”

She smiled, “You’re so adorable,” she smiled the smile of a woman who was proud of herself.

Dose was staring at me like I slapped her.

I caught her stare and she fixed her face.

You could set a whip sound effect to it.

Yikes.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my spoon, more excited for the food than figuring out her whole mood.

I had to control myself. Any time we got outside food on Meridian, if I didn’t shove it in my mouth quick I’d get beat up for it.

My urge to protectively gorge myself kicked in hard, but I fought it down.

Remembering Dvar’s words.

Not in public.

Etched onto my brain one brutal lesson at a time. I carefully dipped my spoon into the rice, then into the tomato cream sauce of my butter chicken and pushed it into my mouth.

I couldn’t help it.

My eyes rolled shut and I dipped my head in thanks as the warm, semi-spicy cream sauce and rice mix flooded over my tongue. Every texture I ever wanted to have. Every flavor I ever wanted to taste. The right amount of spice. Just enough to tickle my nose.

And that satisfying chew of well seasoned, tender chicken behind every bite.

“Oh my God…”

I heard Dose snicker a little at it.

Fuck her. Didn’t care.

“Oh. My. God,” I mumbled, lifting my head for another bite. “Mmmn~!” I melted. My eyes squinting.

I wanted to cry tears of joy.

“Is it good, dear?” Lakshmi asked.

My eyes peeked open to look at her. It was so good I was embarrassed to look at her.

I pinched my eyes shut again and had another bite.

And another.

And another.

“Slow down,” she said gingerly. God she reminded me of NORA.

I miss my NORA.

I had a moment.

For the next few minutes of my life, I was in a conversation. But thankfully it wasn’t about much.

Just Thread. And Indian tradition. And who made the best Butter Chicken in town.

“Definitely this place,” I added, stuffing another mouthful in me.

“You can’t say that, this is the first time you’ve had it,” Lakshmi said.

“Yeah, nerd,” Dose said, smiling.

“Hey. Don’t call me a nerd.”

“You are a nerd.”

“No I’m not. Take it back,” I shot back, smiling, “I can man child all day.”

“I see that. I really see that,” Dose nodded, her eyes sarcastically wide.

The flash in my mind of the future was actually kind of sad.

I glanced back over at Lakshmi and realized why she was enjoying herself in that moment.

She saw it when I saw it.

The future.

Between Uno and Dose.

And it wasn’t going to end well for one of us.

“So I think it’s time for you to be honest with me, Pretty Boy,” Lakshmi said as the wait staff came around to collect our dishes.

“Honest?” I asked, my eyes flashing over to Dose.

She was as sweet as ever.

But my insides were still doing that weird shivery thing like I was freezing.

But I wasn’t.

It was terror. The repressed kind that you hold inside when you know something bad was about to happen that you couldn’t stop.

“Yeah… she wants to know why your candy ass is in the Hotpot,” Dose said with a cute little smirk, “Broskie.”

Ugh. Fake sweet. Go back to faking it properly.

I thought about that for a moment.

This was where I needed Dvar’s advice.

Was I supposed to lie?

Wait, what was the rule in this decadent bullshit palace?

What was the social move?

The social move was to put my dick on the table.

“I’m here to ask Mookie’s permission to beat the fuck out of him or his top guy.”

Dose’s eyes went big. Not in fear. In incredulity at the size of my nuts.

Her glowing amber eyes flicked from me, to Lakshmi.

“Tell me you’re gonna slap him for that,” she said.

“Quiet, Two-Three…” she said softly, tilting her beautiful, matronly face at me.

“You need me to say it nicer? I figure we already had dinner together, pretense kinda went out the window, right?” I smiled, letting my dimples implode.

She rolled her eyes, “Only because I like that face and one day I’m going to have to watch Dose punch it,” she said, dropping her chin to stare at me.

I flirted right back, “Thanks, M’lady… So why do we have beef anyway if you think I’m cute?” I asked.

Dose. Was. Livid.

I glanced at her, then back to Lakshmi.

“Oh, that’s no secret. Because my daddy played with dolls more than I did and mommy deserved better,” she said, half-sarcastic.

“That’s the short version, anyway.” I offered.

“That’s the only version I need tell the dishes,” she said.

“Ouch,” I smiled, nodding. “Figured I at least rated flatware.”

“You’re letting him talk,” Dose said.

“Dose…” Lakshmi took a deep breath and turned her eyes on her.

“Sorry, Mommy…” she whispered.

“Good girl,” she softened.

I saw Dose’s eyes roll shut. In pleasure.

It turned my stomach that I could relate. My head buzzing at the memory of hearing Dvar say it…

Good boy…

I plucked the orange peel from my glass of water and nibbled on it passively.

“Mookie’s a businessman. He’s not going to fight you. You realize that, right?”

“No? I mean, I never met him or whatever…”

“Mookie can fight. The question is will he?” Dose said, drawing my attention.

“Will he?” I asked.

“That’s why he’s got all the clone thugs.” Lakshmi said, as if that was all that needed to be explained.

“I thought he hated clones,” I asked.

“To a degree,” Lakshmi said, “He hates Softboys and clones separately. Because they tend to come that way in this part of the world, he happens to hate them both. He won’t see you as worth his time… you being a…”

“Softboy,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Right. Fine. So who’s his top guy, or whatever?”

“Vincent and Viggo,” Dose said, sounding annoyed.

“Wait, what?” I asked, throwing my attention at her again, “Say that again?”

“The twins. They’re his rough necks. He treats them like shit but they’re collared property. Why, you know them?”

“In a way.”

“He got beat up by them,” Dose said to Lakshmi.

“I did not!” I snapped.

Lakshmi let her blue eyes tick up and down my form. As if I seemed defensive.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I frowned. “It’s a lie. Look— I didn’t get beat up by them. Fucker stuck his tongue in my mouth an-…”

“That’s better?” Dose asked.

“Can you… like… not, right now?” I asked, twisting my face at her.

“Believe me, I’m doing everything I can to not right now,” she shot back, emoting with her eyebrows.

And then it devolved into bickering.

“Look, I don’t have to listen to this mouthy little barbie doll-..”

“Why don’t you learn to shut up you airhead girl-faced dumbass-..”

“Children.” Lakshmi said softly, lifting a hand. “Uno. I’m going to do you a favor… I like you. My problem is with my father. Not you.”

We both shut up.

Dose threw a napkin at me.

I glared and threw it back.

“A favor?”

“Yes. You, like many clones are an unfortunate cog in a very big machine. I have sympathy for that. Also, I’d like to see a bit of sport. I’ll get you your duel with Mookie’s men.”

“Serious!?” I asked, my eyes lighting up.

Maybe I didn’t screw up after all?!

Dose. Was. Livid.

“Mmhm…” Lakshmi nodded. “Don’t disappoint me.”

“Oh, believe me… fucker stuck his tongue in my mouth. I’m definitely kicking his ass.”

“I know… I Ching,” Lakshmi responded.

I grinned.

A napkin ball hit me in the head.